Ear Bugs

While in Target, I explain to Riley that we are looking for earbuds for Avery (she needs new ones for school).

Riley: {To anyone nearby that will make eye contact} EXCUSE ME BUT WE ARE LOOKING FOR WEEWY WEEWY GWOSS EAR BUGS. Nasty ear bugs. I don’t want any of those. Weewy weewy nasty. {she shuttered}

And now I will forever call them ear bugs.

Weewy gwoss ear bugs.

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Hoes threw me down

Well then. Avery and her friend are having a sleepover, and Riley and I are hanging with them in the living room while they dance to songs on You Tube.

I, yes I, have the good sense to say, “Let’s do the old school Hannah Montana Hoedown Throw Down!”

Yeah, Type in HO on Youtube and see what pops up before you can undo that damage.

I just spent the past 3 minutes screaming like a drill sergeant for ALL  kids to turn away and face the window  NOW NOW NOOOOOW!!!!

I freaking hate technology.

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Buns and Ballet

For those of you who know me and/or Riley (aka Peter Boyle’s twin), you know she was NOT graced with Rapunzel’s hair. She was, however, blessed with some serious humor and prefers to pose for photo ops to achieve maximum comedic effect.

When the rules and attire for her new dance class included “hair in a ponytail,” I got serious… after I laughed hysterically. She has 4 strands of hair. Seriously.

3 year old comedian ain’t got no shame. Work it.

Ballet Poser | thelaughingseahorse.com

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A Confused Chef?

{Riley was cooking up her usual hamburgers with whip cream and wasabi in her play kitchen.}

Riley: Daddy, what would you like for me to make you? Did you want the cherries and the chicken?

Daddy: Oh, yes! That sounds great!

Me: Mommy still needs to find that darn recipe before the cherries go bad!

Riley: Well, how about I make you some chicken with a nice, white garlic sauce?

Um…okay? This kid won’t eat meat or vegetables and would live off white bread and candy, yet whipping up a nice, white garlic sauce is her go to dish? Impressive.

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What the what?!?!

Me: Riley, honey, come here for a second.

Riley: What’s the problem, Mom?

WHAT?!?!?! You’re THREE! Why/how/wtf/huh/how/why is that your initial reaction?

How about, “Yes, mom?” or “Yes, MOMMY” or “OK, Mommy”?!?!?!?

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Not Quite a Makeup Artist

After not napping for several hours, I decided to check on her.

Crayon Makeup | thelaughingseahorse.com

Damnit! Did she fling poo again?


OMG, is she bleeding?!?!?

Nope. (but she did do a damn good job of making me believe she was…lots of crying and dramatic effect as a valiant attempt to distract me from the truth.)

Is it makeup?


Crayon. A brown crayon.

How exactly does one get a crayon to color their skin like this? She’s got mad skills, yo.

Elf Poop…Who Wore it Better?

Riley takes the cake with this nasty potty training fail. Barf! We found the last “kiss” inside of a living room candle later that evening. Isn’t that festive? Forgive my horrible quality photo…my phone’s camera has been acting like a toddler lately.

Potty Training Fail Loses to Elf on the Shelf (GROSS!) | thelaughingseahorse.com

Who Wore it Better?